Hello my Beloved Readers! I am so excited to share today’s guest poster with you! Amee from www.inspired-housewife.com is a woman of God and strength. I hope you enjoy her story of courage and endurance. Thank you for coming to Strive For Progress Amee! We look forward to more posts of yours in the future!
A Mother’s Denial
Thank you Mae. It is a pleasure to have a guest writing spot. My name is Amee, I am married to a wonderful military man, and I am a mother to three beautiful children. Late last year I started my blog Inspired-Housewife as an outlet. Mae and I have known each other for 18 years, and I am a big fan of Strive For Progress!
My blog is still in its infancy, but my goal is to help spread information I think will help people. I discuss my family, gluten-free living, being a special needs mother, and I also have a couple guest posters myself. Thanks again Mae and Strive For Progress readers.
The stick you peed on shows two lines “You Are Pregnant!” You spend months thinking, dreaming and preparing for your beautiful bundle of joy to make his or her debut into this world. You give birth and stare into those deep blue eyes, hold those tiny fingers, and fall in love. You start to plan and wait anxiously for your baby’s first coo, smile, and crawl. Time passes and nothing happens. “Is this normal?” you wonder. You justify “He is a boy and boys develop slower than girls”. You continue to dream more about his future, and you fall deeper in love with your baby. A couple more months pass, and your feeling that something is not right keeps knocking at your door. You bring up your concerns with your pediatrician, and the therapy begins. First starts the occupational therapy, then physical therapy, and finally speech. You watch your child struggle to do the simple things like crawl or pick up a toy. You think this will pass, the therapy will help and it does some, but your child still cannot say a word. He grunts, he screams for hours on end, he stands in corners, he bites himself until he bleeds, and sways from side to side mumbling incoherently. He seems locked within a world to which only he possesses the key. Your heart is heavy as the dreams you had for your child dwindle to nothing and your only thought now is how you will support him for the rest of your life, and how he will survive after you die. You think “What did I do wrong, why me, why him?” Lost and scared, you hide within your home, you stop attending church, and you paint on a happy face for your son. You feel dead inside, alone and rejected. Nobody wants a play date, nobody seems to care, and there are times where death for you and your son seem better than the dismal future you believe lies ahead. Your marriage is strained, and the once happy couple you were are mere shadows passing in the night. Angry, hurt, and frustrated, you both take it out on each other to the point of separation.
Your pediatrician after months of therapy thinks your child should see a developmental specialist, and you numbly agree, “What is one more doctor?” The time comes and your child sits across the table from a therapist who tries to get him to follow simple directions. You watch behind a secret glass window, and feel even more sidelined and in despair. Your child cannot even build a train out of blocks or hold a crayon to color on paper. His eye contact is erratic at best.
The doctor comes out and asks you to sit down. She says, “I believe your son has autism.” You hear her words, but for the rest of the conversation all you see is lips moving and a loud buzz in your ears. You want to run and hide with your baby, because this could not be true. He is only a little behind and it is a phase he will work through. Reality starts to seep in soon as you confirm this will be your life forever!
You go home, get on the Internet, and search for what you can find on autism. It suddenly hits you full force. You knew it all along, but you were in denial. You cry for days and spend many hours on your knees praying. You finally realize you can either die inside or break free to be the warrior mother your son needs. Life is not over for your child! It is a life together that only begins, and it is your duty to free him from his prison.
My son Tristan has autism. He struggled from the moment of his first breath. I was put in charge of being his protector, his cheerleader, and his number one advocate in life. It is a difficult road I wish onto no mother, but I would not change a thing. My son Tristan is my light, my beacon of focus. Now, at five years old, he can speak, he can write with a crayon or pencil, he is funny and he is smart. He still has a long road ahead of him, but I know he will do great things with his life. As a mom of a special needs child, I know you cannot give up your hopes or dreams for your child, because you are their only hope for the future.
~Amee from www.inspired-housewife.com