Today is my Mom and Dad’s 34 year anniversary. I am so proud of them, they have come along way, and have taken their vows seriously. I am so thankful they have set such a great example for their kids. I think back over all the challenges they have faced and how hard those must have been to get through. Things were not always happy and easy but there was always love for each other and us kids. Thank you Mom and Dad for loving each other and having a true commitment!
I figure today was a great day to talk about romance, I mean after 34 years there must be some romance in there somewhere! I think romance is a very important part of a marriage and part of the glue that keeps a couple together. So what is romance? Wiki says “Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one’s love, or one’s deep emotional desires to connect with another person.” I think “expression of one’s love” looks different everyone. What does that look like to you?
Just the other day Mike and I were on a dinner date. He looked at me smiled and said “what does romance look like to you?” Put on the spot I did not have an answer. We talked about it a little bit and started to put the romantic puzzle together for me. I like flowers and little gifts, I like emails, notes and drawings. I like it when he makes me coffee in the morning and when he does the dishes so I can do something else. I love it when he surprises me with something out of the blue. There are many things I like him to do. There was nothing that stood out that I could just say, “bring me flowers every day”. He has always had a hard time figuring out what romance is to me. Every few months I mention that he is not romantic enough. Every few months he is puzzled and frustrated because he doesn’t not know what romance is to me. As we sat at dinner that night putting piece by piece together of the romantic mystery, we all of a sudden saw the whole picture. Romance to Mae is when Mike does something that shows Mae he has been thinking about her. So profound and so simple yet it has been puzzling us for years! It’s really helped Mike to see what it is that makes my heart tick. It’s not just a few things done over and over or a price paid for something, it is a gesture that says “while I was away from you I thought of you and thinking of you makes my heart happy”. Now he feels like he has something tangible when it comes to romancing me.
What is romance to Mike? He doesn’t know yet. I do not know either. I do things all the time that let him know I am thinking about him but that doesn’t mean that is what really makes him feel special and loved, he is still thinking about it and we need to put that puzzle together soon so I can be sure I am doing things that make him feel loved, thought of and appreciated.
I have to tell you of a sweet thing he did for me since our dinner date. One morning he left early. I woke up to kids screaming at each other, the baby crying and feeling very tired. After putting out the fire between the kids and assisting baby I went back to my room for a few minutes. Once in there I heard my cell phone ringing, it was the ring tone for Mike. Instantly I perked up I couldn’t wait to hear his voice for the first time that day. When I found my phone I noticed it was not a phone call it was an alarm. He set his ringtone and a message to go off on my phone that morning. It said “Wake up beautiful girl, it’s a new day and your Hubby loves you!” He had no idea that I would wake up too cranky kids. I just smiled, sat down with tears on in my eyes and praised God for the amazing husband I was blessed with. It erased the frustrating few mins that I had woken up too and the rest of my day felt positive. I am so thankful he is learning what makes me feel special.
The reason I am telling you all of this is because if you have a significant other I hope that you sit down with them and talk to them about what it is that romances you. Ask them what they need romantically. Figure out what it is you both need so that you can strengthen the glue between you and live a long happy life together. Life in a relationship is not always happy and fun but romance can keep the spark in it!
Love, Mae
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Love this!!!
Thank you!
LOVE this! It’s so important to cue into what makes our husbands feel loved and vice versa. Sometimes 99% of the challenge is making time to even sit down and talk about what speaks love to our spouse. You are reminding me that it’s been a bit too long at my house too.
I subscribe to a blog called Generous Wife (http://www.the-generous-wife.com). Every day I get a little email suggestion of how I can bless my husband. I’d like to say I follow all the suggestions, but I don’t. It’s usually not huge and elaborate ideas. Just little things that can really be significant in keeping the flame alive. As a bonus, her husband also blogs for husbands who want to bless their wives (http://www.the-generous-husband.com/). Many days I would completely forget to place any positive focus on my man if it weren’t for that gentle little reminder in my inbox.
Congratulations to your sweet parents. 34 years is absolutely awesome and such a testimony to everyone around them. Especially those who got to see many of those years from inside their household.
Thank you! I LOVE those websites you gave me, my hubs and I were up to late reading them last night haha! Excited about them!
So glad you like them! And they link to some other really great marriage blogs too.
Blessings!
love this too!
Thanks!
The part I can relate to is how to define romance in my own life. It’s not the candlelit dinner with wine and music (although we all like that from time to time) but it is making coffee or a breakfast burrito for me in the morning or playing with the kids so I can do some sewing in peace. It’s nice we have such great husbands who try to make us happy, right Mae??
Totally! I agree 100%!