Do you know what aloha means? Wikipedia says it’s “an English greeting to say goodbye and hello.” Well today is my goodbye old me, hello new me! Goodbye to the old way of love and hello to the new way to love! Last week I talked to you about taking time apart from each other (read about that HERE). Last week I left my little family, I went to New York with my parents to go to a wedding and take a mini-vacation. It was amazing! It inspired me in so many ways! I came home with a better self-image (I’ll talk more about that later this week). I came back with a new business idea. I also came back to my family whom I was actually starting to doubt. Doubt? Mae did you just say “doubt your family”. Yes sadly I did. For the last few months I have started feeling un-appreciated. I started to feel that if I was not around nobody would miss me. I know that sounds a bit drastic but apparently I was really depressed and was not recognizing it! Being able to step out of my life, do something that inspired me and have time to just be me, was in-valuable!
This last year I have started to doubt Mike and his love for me. The last four weeks of my love challenge has helped me to change my perspective! Also taking a “mom-cation” away from the family and hubs helped me see my family from an outside perspective. I needed to get away to see what it was like for them without me. Upon the daily report over Facetime with Mike, I heard how much my kids missed me and even more so how much he did. Yes they can certainly survive without me but they actually LOVE to have me around! WOW! Surprise to me, for the last year or two I have been feeling like I wasn’t important. Is that not sad?! How do you think those feelings affected my marriage?!
Carrying feelings of un-importance in marriage has huge negative affects! If one or both of the people in a relationship do not feel good about themselves then there is an imbalance of emotion and energy. I constantly ask if I am loved, he constantly tries to assure me without response from me. It ends up feeling hopeless for both of us. It may seem too simple to take time away from your family. How is there any way that time AWAY will give you a completely different perspective? I can’t answer that in any scientific way, I can only answer from experience. It JUST works! Stepping out of your life, taking time to reflect upon it and letting others “miss” you helps you to feel loved, appreciated and helps you to find purpose again. As you read in my last challenge, you do not have to take a long vacation away from your family, even short times away like a four hour trip to the library, coffee shop or hotel lobby works. Give it enough time that the feelings of wanting to go back start to set in, once those set in start thinking about why you want to be back. Life is not just action, life is also thinking. The more you dig deep the more you will find, the more you will work through, it is the way to healing. Understand that being together every minute is not always the best way to become better lovers. You have to find yourself, find what makes you YOU so you can become a better HALF of the two that your relationship is.
Last week I also told you to write a love letter to each other. Well I forgot until I was on the airplane back home! I called him during a layover and gently reminded him to do the same. They were simple, loving and what we were thinking when we wrote them. It meant a lot to both of us. For me the things he said were exactly what I needed to hear. For him my note took him back to our dating years and it made him feel good that we had a history and that the love we have always had is only stronger and better now. It doesn’t have to be a book, it only needs to be what’s on your heart.
Let’s take a look at the things we did in the Love Challenge…
- Write out your expectations of each other and schedule a time within 48 hours to sit down and talk about them.
- Pick a time in your day that you can both sit down for 15-30 minutes face to face without any distractions and talk to each other about what is going on in your life.
- Continue talking every night (weekends too!) after the kids are in bed.
- Ask each other at the end of our chat what we can do for each other the next day.
- Take a break from each other. Give each other time away from the family. Extended time away anywhere from four hours to a few days.
- While away be sure to write a note to each other. Express how much you love and appreciate each other.
- Say good bye to the old way to love and hello to the new way to love!
Do you see an underlying theme in the above weekly challenges? It’s communication! You have to make ways, open doors, open your EARS to each other! You need to make sure that you are taking the time to focus on what’s important in your relationship. The MOST important thing in a relationship is YOU and EACH OTHER! There is no relationship without two people engaging in it. In our society today we are so busy being busy we forget the most important things. Please make time for each other and give each other the time, the ears and the open hearts you both deserve. Doing these things that I have suggested above will renew your relationship in a way you never expected! Mike and I are living proof. We are swooning over each other! Last night he texted me before I got home “I can’t wait to see you, I have butterflies!” I do not remember the last time I gave my husband butterflies! You too can find renewal. Follow the “Love Challenge” and see for yourself!
I would LOVE to hear how this goes for you. I am not sure why but my comments have not been working, I am doing all that I can to get that fixed. If you would please give me feedback on the “Love Challenge” I would REALLY appreciate it. Please email me, info [at] striveforprogress [dot] com and tell me how it went for you. I will not share your experience with the world and I will not sell or use your email address in any way, I just want to know if this helped anyone out there. Thank you! Next week I will give you one last post on the love topic. I will give you some “tips and tricks” to spark up the flame between you, give you some ideas on how to stir up those butterflies and things that Mike and I have done in our relationship to have fun being a couple. Be sure to come back for that!
I do hope you have enjoyed this challenge. Remember give me feedback!
Strive For Progress!